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Miss Jean Louise and the Perfect Facial


Miss Jean Louise, one of our GISHWHES top wranglers, has been known to ride orcas naked and she wore meat dresses long before Lady Gaga made them fashionable, but one of her lesser known hobbies is stalking dermatologists. It’s more of an obsession than a hobby, really.

One fine day, while riding the orcas, Miss Jean Louise realized that salt spray pumicing her face was a veritable fountain of youth. Her skin, abraded of all impurities, became fresh, almost baby-like again. Glisteningand wet after a fresh ride, all of her skin tingled and the lightbulb flipped on. This secret must be shared with a professional who could give this gift to others.

Determined, Miss Jean Louise sought out a professional to perfect the secrets of eternal youth with her. Not everyone had access to orcas and powerful salt spray, and she wanted to fix this social injustice with the right dermatologist, someone who would hold to Miss Jean Louise’s ideals. She followed doctors, one after another. Many were flawed by their greed and love of money. When digging through a doctor’s trash, she’d often discover receipts for unacceptable indulgences– like fancy chocolates or golden door knobs.

Many were flawed by their greed and love of money. When digging through a doctor’s trash, she’d often discover receipts for unacceptable indulgences– like fancy chocolates or golden door knobs. Brochures for extravagant┬ávacations turned her off immediately. She peed on their doorsteps in protest to their lifestyle choices.

She never did find the perfect dermatologist. You can still find Miss Jean Louise tailing the occasional skin doctor in her white van, but the trips have become difficult to her work life balance as she has ruled out all of the dermatologists in her state. In lieu of the perfect partner, Miss Jean Louise will continue her naked orca riding and keep her own skin looking fabulous.slangaroo